"When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action...
I want Craft services,
I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!
I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on.
I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy.
I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely." I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive.
I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's." - Joan Rivers