1. Find out that tropical storm is coming about 12 hours before it hits. Ask everyone else if it is serious.
2. Before they say it is, start looking through your phone to find somebody to shack up with in Baton Rouge.
3. Realize that this is a tropical storm and it will be over in a day or two.
4. Make fun of hurricane’s name and wonder when hurricanes will have cool names like “Thor”. Not like Karen. The only Karen you know is that character from Mean Girls and your best friend’s mom.
5. Drop by Rouses to get water. Discover that you are way, way too late for water or any of the good flavors of Gatorade. You are doomed to purple Gatorade.
6. Call your boss to see if you have to come into work tomorrow. Discover that your boss is in his beach house far, far away on a hurrication.
7. It dawns on you that you could now have a hurrication.
8. The closest thing available to rent is in the northern corner of Georgia, since everyone else in the city had the exact same idea as you about 24 hours ago. Choose to staycation during your hurrication.
9. Go to liquor store for supplies. The line at liquor store is longer than the ride to Space Mountain at Magic Kingdom. Start elbowing people and make a beeline for the Jameson. You’ll get there first.
Try not to cry. Buy your Taaka, since that’s the only alcohol left, and fool yourself into believing it will taste good with purple Gatorade.
11. Tape X’s on your windows while your roommate tells you that they don’t do anything. Insist that you are an expert in hurricane preparedness and that X’s are very effective. Accidentally nearly break window.
12. It starts raining. Try to convince your dog to shit before the storm gets too bad, since you know that he will be holding it for the next day or two. Dog refuses and shits in the house about 20 minutes after the wind starts blowing.
13. Realize you forgot to buy playing cards and cigarettes. Resort to playing Hangman with your roommate and your roommate’s girlfriend, who are the only people who agreed to stay with you during this storm.
14. Your cell phone dies. Your electricity is out even though winds haven’t topped 50 mph. You curse Entergy, especially when you notice that houses one block away have their electricity.
15. Drink all the Taaka while your roommate and his girlfriend get it on.
16. Forget what happens for the rest of the storm, except that it definitely involves the dog shitting all over the house and you having to eat all of the food in the now-defunct refrigerator.
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