If you’ve ever wondered what Joan Rivers is like high, then, well, here you go. Take it or leave it.
In last night’s episode of Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best, the 78-year-old comedienne smoked a bowl of marijuana (in a pipe named Louis the Thirteenth) and became so high that she had to call her daughter Melissa to pick her up.
Rivers lit up with her friend Lynne and, upon discovering that Lynne had attempted to turn on an already-running car, decided that they was too stoned to drive and Melissa was their only way out of suburban cul-de-sac hell.
what ensues is a hilarious series of conversations: Melissa, who is at home with her (now ex-) boyfriend’s parents, gets the phone call from Joan and immediately launches into zany sitcom mode, frantically whispering into the phone as if her boss has come over for dinner and her wacky family just won’t stop their crazy hijinks in the next room.
Melissa: If you don’t stop laughing, I don’t know what you’re saying.
Joan: You gotta come and get us. We need you.
Melissa: I don’t know what you guys are up to–
Joan: Lynne has the prettiest hair, Melissa.
Melissa: Yes, I know Lynne has nice hair.
Melissa then rushes out to rescue Joan and Lynne, who have seemingly transformed into helpless stoned infants. She pushes them into the car, where they quickly begin chanting “Food truck, food truck!” and engage in a hearty discussion about family values. But not after yet another wonderful exchange between mother and daughter (and hidden-gem-personified Lynne).
Melissa: Mom, get in the car.
Joan: Alright, alright. Me first, me first.
Melissa: Get in the car. Both of you, get in the car.
Joan: You are so bitchy.
Melissa: Get in the car!
Joan: It is my purchase!
Lynne: Do you have some Cheerios?
Joan: Now, ladies and gentlemen, at the wheel, Melissa Rivers!
Melissa: I am ashamed of both of you.
Joan: No more than I was ashamed when you were in the third grade and you lost the swimming meet.